An exciting day has arrived in the splendid world of science. For years man and woman, hang on. How is that? Man can be plural and singular? Then what are we doing with the whole men thing? I’ll have science get back to me on that. Grammatical queries aside, scientists and entrepreneurs have come together again to make our lives easier.
Who doesn’t love over the counter drugs approved by the FDA? A new pharmaceutical has emerged that can only be classified as a new and improved NyQuil. I forgot to take notes when I was interviewing one of the men behind the drug so hang on a second while I get him back on the phone so he tell you exactly what the premise of the drug is and how it works… It’s ringing…. Hello Mr. Sanderz, this is Tim Bissel, yes I know we just spoke, but could you just tell me again about the drug, as briefly as possible, in your own words, no I don’t know who else’s words they would be in. Okay, thank you. He said he’ll just email me a description and I can copy and paste it int the article. Lemme just open my email, nothing yet, oh no here it is. Okay, command c and then command p. Wait why is my printer turning on? Ugh, why don’t these computers have a right click like they used to? Okay maybe I’ll just transcribe it over. OH finally I get to use that word after 30 years in the business.
My deepest apologies to the reader that we have to reveal our one of a kind product though the pen of this cut rate reporter and whatever website this is, but my excitement for this breakthrough is paramount to my feelings on the medium in which it is exposed. We call it, Dozone. Allow me to pitch it to you. Say you get home from a hard day’s work, you’ve been tired all day long and your mouth is watering at the idea of finally getting into bed and getting your winks. You arrive home, shower, brush your teeth, and get into bed. Only problem is, you can’t fall asleep. You toss and turn and before you know it hours have gone by and you just know you won’t be tip-top for the next day. In comes Dozone. What it does is it reduces brain activity to the minimum amount, based on your brain chemistry, so it is as if you are asleep. You can rest while you are awake. The effects last for about eight hours so it should be timed accordingly. A night on Dozone could be redolent of a recreational high, but based on or research there are no damaging effects to your brain, it is simply apprehended into a rest mode. You will still be lucid and retain some function, but you will be rendered practically useless. It’s good for watching bad television as you actually fall asleep, maybe listening to a silly podcast, or using a coloring book. The point is, you are awake, but you are asleep at the same time. It is not like sleep walking because you still retain control, it just will not be at the same levels you are accustomed to. Please don’t use it for fun, maybe we should put some other debilitating effects into it. I’m starting to think the sleeping pill puts you to sleep for a reason. Maybe productivity in a sleeping pill isn’t the best idea. Tim! Do not take that pill! I think we should remove it from the market!
Thanks Mr. that sounds great. He sent me a sample tablet in the mail and I thought I’d try it now for you guys. Here goes. Oh, it’s grape flavored, I love that. Some people mind that grape flavoring tastes nothing like grapes, but not me, I wish grapes tasted like grape flavoooooooooooooooooooooiikk
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Regre
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