The Former Mrs. Kim Kardashian West has gone once again to the highest authority in the land to release an unconstitutionally imprisoned entity. You’ll remember a similar story from the previous administration. Kim Kardashian, who is studying to be a lawyer like her father before her, had taken a special interest in the case of Alice Marie Johnson. Ms. Johnson was given a life sentence with the charges of conspiracy to possess with intent to distribute cocaine, possession of cocaine with intent to sell, the conspiracy of money laundering, the actual laundering of money, and of course the structuring of a monetary transaction. While there are a handful of crimes they were non-violent and first time offenses. Johnson had served 22 years of her forever sentence by the time the internet got a hold of her story and a viral tweet brought the tale to the gaze of one Kim Kardashian. Kardashian met with once president Donald Trump to bring the story to his attention and was able to get a commute granted for the woman, who during her sentence volunteered to help sick and dying inmates as well as assisted in coordinating the prison’s Special Olympics. Her honorably served time, the extensive sentencing, the understanding of a President, and of course Kim Kardashian all played a role in relieving this woman’s sentencing.
And now Kim K is back in Washington at the new president’s doorstep, on behalf of the people to release her ex husband’s new album. Kim Kardashian, lawyer in training, has seen great success in this practice once already, so why not attempt to go two for two? “If I can get a coke dealer out early, I’m sure I can get this album released” Kim confidently stated. The shrewd interpreter of the law knocked on the front door of the White House to be greeted by President Biden himself who was looking for the bathroom. The two kicked around old times that never happened before going to the oval office to discuss serious business.
“Here’s what I want Joe,” “That’s President Joe” Biden retorted. “I’d like for you to give Kanye’s new album a presidential pardon, thereby releasing it from the prison that is his hard drive.” “But Kim,” the President replied “all the reports I’ve read state that the album simply isn’t finished, I don’t want it to get out there before it’s ready.” “Don’t worry Mr. Joe President, I know my ex husband, if he doesn’t release it now he’s going to get bored with it, scrap it, move on, and start a new project. Believe me I have some experience in that area.” “I see, this is more dire than I thought.” President Biden contemplated. “Okay here’s what we’ll do!” He said after waking from a quick nap. “We’ll force him to live inside of the Mercedes Benz Stadium until he finishes the album. That way I don’t need to pardon an unfinished piece of art and we can be sure that he is working around the clock to deliver his latest opus to his two biggest fans!” “Oh, I’m not so sure I’m his biggest fan anymore, I was just doing this for all those kids out there and I needed more community service to get into law school.” “I didn’t mean you, I was talking about me and Jill, we sure do love that “New Workout Plan”. “Oh, okay, gross” Kim Responded. “I guess that will do. Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me Mr. President Joe Biden, I really appreciate it.” “Oh of course, any time.” Joe answered. “You don’t have to go you know, I had my staff make me a brand new Shirley Temple movie, wanna watch?” “Um, that’s okay, I’m kind of busy today, maybe next time.” “Alright your loss, see ya!” And with that Kim Kardashian left the White House with another victory feather in her cap.
And that is how Kanye got to be residing inside of the Atlanta Falcons’ home stadium. Legend has it he will be there forever so that he never legally has to release Donda. Some say he is already working on a new album. Others believe he cloned himself and escaped to Utah. The only thing we know for sure is that KaNye West will never release an album when he says he will.
