Infinite Jest, a book, considered by many, to be one of the best of all time. David Foster Wallace’s masterpiece has been adored by intellectuals, literary types, and I have to imagine regular people to some extent (the extent that they understood it). Me on the other hand, I am an intellectual who isn’t particularly literary. I am more of a documentary man. For instance, the only reason I would watch a program like the Academy Awards is to watch my favorite documentaries get acknowledged by people who wouldn’t know verite if it happened right in front of them, naturalistically, heh. Then when the winner is announced I rise and applaud for five minutes while Cat imagines the cons fo a life where her master isn’t a patron of the arts.
Infinite Jest is over a thousand pages. It is a lot to expect of a reader. In fairness to Wallace, the final Harry Potter is only a few hundred pages less and I have read that. But that comma in the page number is intimidating. I know if I were to just pick it up and attempt a chapter a day of even every couple of days, I would work my way through it and finally be able to quit lying about reading it. Yes I lie. It depends on where I am. If people are over my house, like that one time, someone inquires about it and immediately I ask, “have you read it?” Invariably they say no and all I have it do is say “Oh you must, but I won’t spoil any of it for you.” But, to have simply read it. Oh how smug I could be. I would spoil it for everyone that offered a hint of a spark of conversation that loosely related to the novel. I don’t care. The only joys I have in life are proving my intellectual dominance. Since getting fired from my job for infecting the office’s database with, well it’s not important, I haven’t had many opportunities. However I recently dipped my toe into the world of online dating. I put my IQ in my bio and that will surely attract Ms. Right.
Infinite Jest rests on my bookshelf. Its gathered some dust since the last time I cleaned it and the cover has no folded crease. I think today is the day I read it. I am going to read it all in one sitting. That will be sure to get me a new job and a wife. Everyone will know I read the world’s densest novel in one sitting and they will be sure to bow down to me. Thank you David Foster Wallace for giving me the key to unmatched supremacy. Although, it’s already almost noon. I should probably just wait until tomorrow to start, tomorrow.
