The amount of irresponsibility that takes place at these meet and greets is abhorrent. I can’t believe that at no point in the waiver that I signed did they say anything about gamma radiation side effects. The waiver was a release of liability stating that the Hulk, if angered for any reason, has every right to unload himself and wreak havoc throughout the venue (I don’t even want to think about the insurance claim the venue took out for the afternoon). And that was it. I have been following the Avengers for long enough to know that when the Hulk came back from outer space he was a changed hulk. He has had a much better grip on his personalities and even stabilized to the point of a half Bruce half Hulk science man beast thing. That is why I believe that was the most abundant turnout to date for any Hulk meet and greet.
Usually people are afraid of his hulkiness, especially after his rampage with Iron Man in South Africa. But, of course a lot has changed and I was ready to go finally meet my favorite Avenger. I wore my smash tee shirt, my purple jeans, and I even cut my hair to resemble his, a little extreme I know, but I thought it would be a funny picture to look back on with my children. So I, a single mother to be, got in my car and drove to the expo. I left at the crack of dawn to be early in line and get there before Hulk was tired of all the fans and everything so there would be very little risk of an outburst, but it didn’t matter. The line was already in two loops around the building with campers. But I guess I was still in a better position than I would have been. Anyway, I’m waiting and waiting, thinking of baby names, reading my baby book, and wondering if I would ever get back together with the baby’s father and before I knew it I was almost ready to walk inside. That is something I will commend the staff on, they were very well organized and the line was swift while still offering people at least one minute per group with Hulk himself. I realized I had wasted all that time and not thought of something to say to him once I got there. I was combing my brain like a spatula scrambling eggs. I didn’t know, much about science so I couldn’t say that. I’m not sure if he even has to work out so how much do you bench is off the table. When it was finally my turn to have a one on one with the specimen I just decided to go for a nice tight hug and he warmly hugged me back. I must have spent my whole 60 seconds in that embrace but it felt like an eternity. I even cried and I like to think he almost did too. Even though if he did it would have felt like a shower on my head. My time ended, he signed my shirt and it was the best thing to happen to me in a long time.
A few weeks later I was scheduled for a sonogram and that’s when everything took a turn. My doctor was rubbing that wand across my stomach when he found an irregularity. He shut the machine off and tried again. I asked him what was wrong and he retorted with a series of his own questions. Finally he landed on the subject of radiation and I told him I hadn’t been near it. I don’t use my microwave, I don’t work at a power plant, and I’m not friends with any scientists. He asked some more questions while my mind was unraveling my last statement. I’m not friends with any scientists. But I did meet a scientist a few weeks ago. A scientist who has been exposed to radiation. A scientist is is one hulking mass of radiation, I hugged a big green radioactive blob for an entire minute straight! I told the doctor everything and I pray a doctor never looks at you the way mine did to me. He was ashamed, frightened, and uncertain. He claimed he saw an extra arm on my baby and didn’t know if that would be the end of it. I was consumed by guilt. But I had to fight it because I did not want to pass any bad vibes onto my baby, so I waited until night when he was asleep to beat myself up. My guilt could not be sustained upon myself, I had to divert it elsewhere. The only other place that would make sense was on the Hulk, the Avengers, and their lawyers. Now before you start judging me please let me explain myself a little. I know that they are the Earth’s mightiest heroes, I know that everything they do they do for good, even building Ultron… I know that the meet up was for charity and for fans, but I really think it is a massive oversight for them to not mention the radiation flowing from Mr. Hulk and allow people near him at all. You may say if I’m such a big fan why didn’t I take it into consideration. Well maybe I forgot and maybe I wanted to forget, but also it should still be up to them to tell me the risks and allow me to proceed as I see fit. So I contacted a lawyer and then once word got out I have a million more begging to take my case. The Avengers offered to settle as the number was enormous I would have taken it, but my lawyers urged me to take them for more. They got me all worked up about my child and made a case about future children and how it could affect their kids for generations so I said yes. We eventually won the case and I took so much money the snap would have seemed like a payroll blessing.
I had my baby during the lawsuit, it was a nightmare getting him out though. That third arm just would stay down and it was a real Rubik’s cube of a pregnancy but he’s finally here, along with his father who probably just name back for the money, but he’s been so much better, I’m willing to see if we can make it work. Little Bruce (I know, but he’s still my favorite) is doing fine, extra appendage and all. We’re waiting until he’s 18 to see if he wants to lop it off or not. But for now he likes it, he says just three more and he’ll be like Spider-Man. So in the end, I guess this is a happy story. I had another kid and there were no defects at the birth, she’s just a huge brat and I hate her when she’s angry. But, we’re doing fine. Thanks for reading and sorry for ruining meet and greets for all the other heroes, but at least now you know where I’m coming from.
