Are you unemployed? Are you willing to do just about anything to make a decent living, or as much as we feel like paying you on a week-to-week basis? And are you excited to be able to tell your family and friends about the coolest, hottest job on the market? Then do we have the career for you!
At Weather The Weather Industrious Industries we are one of the leading dealers in weather proof technologies and endologistics. If you haven’t heard of us by now then you must not be reading the labels on your clothing. Our mission is to make our customers comfortable in any of the elements they may face and that is where you, our prospective employee comes in.
WHAT IS THE JOB?
This position is unlike any you have ever heard of before. Monday through Monday we will have you in an unexpected realistic, simulated weather conditions wearing all sorts of variations of products that have just emerged from the design and production line. On a given Wednesday we could send you into our Ice Room, the sub zero wall to wall tundra wearing the brand new XZ-Water Ski Shorts, The Tortoise Shell Turtleneck, and The Boots of Beckon (Laces Sold Separately). While in the Ice Room we would time you, take tests on your physical condition and ultimately leave you in there past the point that even you knew you were capable of. But that is just one hypothetical Wednesday. On a Friday you could be lounging in our Sahara Sun Room facing temperatures Satan himself would turn on the AC for. And of course sporting our Polar Bear Vest (Available in 3 Colors), The Hump Back Pack, and Aluminum Socks. In short we need someone to test our products so that we know that they are safe and reliable for our consumers once they are out in the wild. You’ll sweat, you’ll laugh, you may cry, but that’s what a hard day’s work is all about. We guarantee you will feel gratified after all is said and done. I
WORKING WITH WEATHER THE WEATHER
Weather The Weather sets the industry standard for a comfortable work environment (select positions may not apply). With coffee in the break room and insulated desk chairs for executives only we know how to treat our employees. We host a lavish, mandatory, annual birthday party for all of our employees from 7-8AM on the first of every year. We observe any and all religious holidays as long as they occur on an unpaid day off. And we offer competitive benefits that our competitors are calling the 3in1 soap of insurance, along with a full 01k.
Oh also safety is our biggest concern.
WHY YOU?
You are a daredevil who loves the outdoors and despises the confines of an office.
You are willing to take any job you can get.
Your body has an undying resilience and your mind has an indefatigable fortitude.
You are known as the “guinea pig” of your inner circle.
When getting dressed in the morning you are used to just “throwing something on”.
You have your final will and testament in order.
You are not a litigious person.
You have 8-10 Years Experience in Broadcast News.
You have no dreams outside of going to work every day.
You are an impassioned self starter with high set goals.
You have a clean and prepaid bill of health.
You are proficient in Excel, Word, and building computers from the ground up.
You are nothing like the last guy, Jeff, who couldn’t even wear the Shark Skin Thermal in the tiger cage for more than 3 minutes.
