Being a journalist my life takes me in all sorts of directions. I never know who i will be deserving enough to interview next. Most recently, I had a chance to sit down with ex Beatle, John Lennon. Millions of questions scrambled through my head. How were you able to conjure so many timeless compositions? Why did it feel like The Beatles were together for more than the short 6 years we knew them? Is Ringo really not even the best drummer in The Beatles? But, in the face of all of the options I knew there was really one question that mattered. What is “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” about?
The classic closer to side A of Abbey Road is one of the most controversial songs in the Fab Four’s discography. Clocking in at almost 8 minutes, being lyrically bereft, and utterly mystifying this song has puzzled music historians and fans of pop music for nearly half a century. Lennon, shifted his legs. I got the impression that no one had ever been this upfront him before. What was the song about John? I repeated. He was taken aback. I had control of him and he respected me. He lit a cigarette, inhaled a deep drag, brushed the hair out of his face, and began.
“It’s a long story. It’s important people remember I’ve never tried to be cryptic in my music. Almost all of the words I’ve ever put to music can be taken at face value.” But what could be the face value of I Want You (She’s So Heavy) I thought to myself? Lennon continued. “I was a boy back in Liverpool.” Yes, childhood trauma. “I wasn’t a very good student. I hated school. The teachers assume they’re superior to the students, they think they can evaluate you based on how you fair on an exam, it’s mental the way these schools are set up. You know if I was in charge of the public education system I would-” “Yes, John that’s great, but back to the song, what does it mean?” I said steering him back from his drifting drift. “Well I’m in school, doing anything I can to just get to break time or recess as it is known here in the States, the only thing about school that ever made any sense to me, even to this day. Children are uninhibited souls that need to flourish. School is the one thing that can fetter that. Recess is liberating.” “John!” I shouted. “Please, this is an interview that I am conducting, you will respect my profession, my time, and the attention spans of the readers.” John apologized thoroughly and seny a delightful arrangement to my home later. We laughed about the whole thing over steaks and cocktails later on.
“So, you’re at recess, let’s pick it up from there.” “Yes. At my school every three or four months the students would decide on a game that they would give themselves to for that period of time. For a while it would be football, then kickball and at one point it was tug of war. The children were actually very democratic. New captains would be picked every couple of days and one recess I was elected. After a few days of playing this brutish, primordial game, I observed some characteristics of the winning teams. Strength, athleticism, and especially popularity, do not make a winning team. But it is still a team sport and drafting a team is requires cunning, when you draft someone is just as important as who you are taking. Knowledge of the opponent, Jefferey Collinsworther, an outspoken, likable, but gullible boy who had recently won, but most of his team was out sick with the tea shortage. Finally, an absolute understanding of the game at hand.
I knew who I wanted to select first, but I also knew the opposition never would, so I could hold out and designate my ringer later on. My plan worked perfectly, I had lads that lived far from the grounds because they had a longer bike ride, giving them stronger quads. The kids with ugly mums because there wouldn’t be any lotion in the house, giving them better grip, and one pretty girl for all the boys to impress. There were two picks left, first the blue team then me and three choices left on the table. Alex Booth an all around nogginmash. I wanted nothing to do with him but his mother was good friends with my Aunt and I didn’t want to get in trouble for not picking him. Then Olivia Parker, a delightful girl that I was sweet on. Admittedly I should have picked her already, but she wasn’t as beautiful as my cheerleader and I was attempting to build champions. Finally, my ringer, Hermina Hancock. A sturdy girl. For lunch she packed six sausages as an appetizer for her seven sausage sandwich. She had logs for legs, floaties for biceps, and a neck a bear trap couldn’t lock in. She was the ringer, my only problem was Jefferey had the pick before me and I had a feeling he saw exactly what I saw in her, the key to the kingdom of the playground was right in front of us.
Then it came to me. “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” orchestrated through my mind. The fervent bass, the incessant cymbal crashes, the organ! It was all there before me. Hermina Hancock, I wanted her, she was so damn heavy. The final piece to my immortal tug of war team. The big body that couldn’t be tugged. I had to ensure her as part of my team. I pulled Jefferey aside told him Oliva was keen on him and really wanted to play for him. He told me girls were gross. I had to think fast. I tried again, Alex has holes in his shoes and his big toe could act like a spike in the mud. I knew that was a mistake. It was too obvious. Why would I be attempting to help Jefferey’s team? We walked back to our respective sides. Now is the section of the song where it’s all guitar and anticipation, it feels like a lifetime. Like that moment right before Jefferey chose… Alex Booth! He actually believed he had spike toes! Immediately I said ‘I want you!’ Hermina joined me and we annihilated the other team three games to none. We ran the schoolyard for weeks. Hermina Hancock has a special place in my heart and I felt she deserved a significant chunk of Abbey Road.”
My sit down with the late John Lennon was the 14th best part of my life and the best part of any of yours. Stay tuned for the list, top 13 moments of my life.
Harvey Majora
